Monster Change

Now I'm posted to Hematology ward. My HO leader wants me in ID, but my MO doesn't want to let me go. She wants me to stay. I'll just have to wait, CM to see how it goes. I'm quite comfortable in Hematology ward already...

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After going through halfway through housemanship, I do notice changes. I think it's for the worse in some aspect.

I have become the monster that I despise most when I see the monsters (some of my MOs or specialists) that I dislike and hope not to be. In my struggle to perform for others, I have succeeded in slowly chipping away some of my past existence, revealing the ugly caterpillar one so much wished to hide. A reverse transformation of nature, that may only come with stress and power and greed and desire to self-preserve.

Wings that sprout to fly are made of leather and bones instead of soft, feathers. I may soar high but less than grace. My breath becomes fire all of a sudden that singes hearts if not burn outright.

Is this how the course of things go? Where one forgets the very being he once was and strive to improve or at least maintains?

I loath when my superiors act on impulse and emotions. Disregarding the feelings of others. Breeding only contempt and a vicious cycle of loathing. I today have succeeded in succumbing to anger from that irrational emotion. My mild, growing wrath licking like fire the hearts of my dear colleague, my co-working staff nurses.

For becoming a monster, I apologize.

I long for humanity once more. For humility that I should be.

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Respect

As a housemen, or wherever you work, there will be someone (your superior) who's slow, garang, always makes lousy decisions, unusual or weird habits.

They make topics over meals or dinner of facebook notes (or status) where people start bashing them up.

Regardless I think this is not the right attitude (although I am guiltily sometimes a part of the bashing action).

Regardless of how that person is, I believe he deserve some sort of respect. Even if he is wrong, there's absolutely no need to downgrade the person. For all you know somebody is bashing YOU over lunch.

I think bitching attitude should be out of the circulation in working life. It would make working less stressful without all that negative thoughts and feelings (especially when you work with that hated someone). Besides, no matter who you are or where you are there are bound to be someone you hate that you'd have to work with.

Cope with it bah.

And stop bitching too much.

Sometimes You Gotta Be Hard

Saw my MO scolding a kid today becaused he refused to cooperate for chemotherapy treatment through his central venous line (Hickman's catheter).

Kid's a 4 year old boy with acute promyelocytic leukemia. He was due for chemo which he didn't want to cooperate as he wanted to continue watching Masked rider or something like that. He got a scolding from my MO which he then cooperated.

My MO told me that as a kid patient he had 2 roles, one a the sick role, and as the kid role. The sick role deserves to be treated, but the kid role must be disciplined. I agree with him in a way. Kids when left to be treated like kings, even when they are sick will become spoiled and ironically become harder to cooperate for treatment. This is made worst when the parents pamper the child more.

I suppose life goes on even for the sick kid with cancer.

How much privelege would one get being sick then? Later for that...

Been Awhile

Haven't written anything for sometime.

Since I'm in the mood, might as well =D